So How Was Your New Year’s?

Author: 
The Best Worst Guy You Know
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So how was your New Year’s? Was it a good one?

 

Did you dress in finery and go to a rooftop party? What did you drink? Beer? Wine? Bourbon? Champagne? Can you remember?

 

Who did you see? Was there a girl dressed like a provocative ringmaster – hat, tails and fishnets included? What was she taming exactly? Not you, of course, because you can’t be broken…

 

Or were you imagining things? Was that guy really Piston Honda? Or did he just have a huge noggin? Do you think everybody else noticed you judging them?

 

And did you share a midnight kiss? Not with Piston Honda, but somebody else? Did you meet her maybe a minute before midnight? Were you seduced by her pickup line: “Are you married?”

 

Hey, where did she go? Where did your night go? Where did your friends go? Did they leave you? Again? Weren’t they supposed to give you a ride?

 

So what now? Start walking, maybe? Start dialing, maybe? Did your buddy finally pick up after your sixth message? Where was he? At his girlfriend’s house? Did he offer directions?

 

What time was it? 5 a.m.? At least by the time you got to the house? Were you angling for an extra bed? Maybe a spot on the couch? Did you find it occupied? Was one of her friends already sleeping there? Was it the same girl you kissed at midnight? Were you surprised?

 

So did you grab a cushion and find a spot for yourself on the kitchen floor? Because, you know, you’re nothing if not a gentleman? Did you dig out a pair of towels and sheets from the dirty clothes’ hamper, and find a cup for your contacts? And how was the kitchen floor exactly? Did you sleep well?

 

Is that when it occurred to you? That this might be the best year yet.

 

But then, early morning light, were you extended an invitation? “Get up. Share the couch with me.” Did you take the offer? Did you take advantage? That was rather casual of you, yes? Were you surprised?

 

And then did the four of you visit Triangle for a supposed short brunch? Wait, when did you decide on staying there for five hours? Time – I tell you what – it can really slip away…

 

Why were those mimosas just a buck? Why were they so delicious? Did you spill one on your pants? The same pants from the night before?

 

Did you bother cleaning up? Did you even bother showering that day? Did any of you? Your buddy, his girl, your date?

 

And whose idea was it to see “The Descendents?” Yours again? How many good decisions can you make over one weekend? Who thought it would be smart to smuggle the Maker’s Mark into the theater? Since the Terrace doesn’t sell alcohol on Sunday and all. (Yes, that’s correct; we’ll be having four large Cokes, please…)

 

So what did you think? Did you like the movie? Was it a heartening choice for New Year’s Day? Especially the part about the wife on life support, and how her husband finds out she was cheating on him. But, you know, George Clooney was really good, wasn’t he? Yes, he was in fact, excellent…

 

And then what? A final round of margaritas from Zia? Maybe a couple of tacos? Was that really you making out on the hood of the car in the parking lot?

 

Then did you get dropped off? Back home, date still by your side, hand-in-hand, your room, doors closed, and sleep – finally sleep?

 

Nope? Nothing? Nothing at all?

 

That’s cool. Me neither.