Flashback! Flash Point! Um, Hot Flash...

Renae Brabham

Okay, I admit I struggled with this story for a bit. I had a hot flash, left to go get some snacks, forgot what I was doing, remembered what I was doing, and came back. I thought of the Jeff Foxworthy lead-in line, You Know You're a Redneck If..., and replaced the word "redneck" with "menopause."


Soooo.... you might be going through menopause if:

* You would like to start a community initiative to begin providing menopausal parking spaces at the grocery stores, hospitals, malls and chocolate shops. Remember ~Tawanda~ in the movie (Fried Green Tomatoes)

* You are absentminded, hmmmm, what was I saying? Oh yeah. Absentminded.

* You are acting just plain stupid. e.g. Standing at the front door of my house clicking the unlock button on my car keys, trying to figure out why door won't unlock.

* Your husband is sitting on the couch with a blanket rather than you.

* You find yourself ripping open a bag of m & m's in the store before you get to the register.

* You do things you normally wouldn't do, because what the hell, you're 50 and invisible anyway.

* You feel sorry for your old make-up brush when the hair starts falling out.

* Won't pluck eyebrows for fear they won't grow back.

* You don't want to brush the loose hairs off your shoulder, it's too final.

* You think of spray painting your scalp to a more neutral color, like your current hair color.

* You realize that you will have to go to prison to finish your latest projects.

* You don't buy green banana's anymore.

* You wake up one morning and your hair has taken on the texture of a brillo pad.

* You talk to your body in the mirror, as in: "What the heck is that!?"

* You don't turn around when you hear a wolf whistle. Because you did once and it was a parrot.

* You have a brief moment of "I've still got it" when a trucker honks his horn. Then pulls along side closer to motion that your gas cap door is open.

* Your sister calls your mole a liver spot.

These were my "aha" moments. Everyone has their own... And there are benefits I am sure. I just don't have enough material to write a paragraph on it yet.