Don't Let Them Steal Your Mojo

Nothing can sabotage winning, except for fear of losing. Success usually lies just

beyond failure. —Mario Cortes

Here's a story: Eden’s dream of becoming a widely read blogger had come true—people were even asking to guest post on her site. As a fan of one well-known male author in her genre, Eden thought it would be awesome to have said author write a guest post, so she bundled up all her courage and asked him. Believing the worst case scenario would be for him to decline, she braced herself for a “no.” Two months later, Eden received that very answer. To make matters worse, he said her blog wasn’t a suitable site for his writing because it was “pretty.”

Pretty! The word pierced Eden’s heart and spirit like a poisoned arrow. For someone of the author's caliber to use pretty as a descriptor meant to Eden that she wasn't fulfilling her goal of providing meaningful advice. As such, she believed she was a failure. Eden quit writing, unsure of how to reclaim her lost mojo.

What Eden needed was resilience—the ability to rebound after setbacks and move forward with optimism and hope. Life is full of road blocks, adversity, loss, and rejection. If you're passionate about something, part of making that something a reality is the going over, under, around, or through those obstacles; bouncing back and trying again whenever a new stumbling block appears in your path.

5 Steps to Boost Your RQ (Resiliency Quotient)

1) According to the Mayo Clinic, "being resilient doesn't mean being stoic or going it alone. In fact, being able to reach out to others for support is a key component of being resilient." Reach out to others, express what you're thinking and feeling, seek their counsel, and devise a plan to get back in the saddle.

2) Psychologists say resilience is a learned skill. When things go wrong, try again. Then try again if need be, just like you'd practice any new skill until it becomes second nature. Creativity expert Ken Robinson points out, “If you’re not prepared to be wrong, you’ll never come up with anything original.”

3) In situations like this, your inner critic is probably working overtime. Through 15 years of study, Martin E.P. Seligman, author and professor at the University of Pennsylvania, “discovered that people who don’t give up have a habit of interpreting setbacks as temporary, local, and changeable.” Heed what your inner gremlin says; yet exercise control of how much power you give to it. You control whether or not the inner critic halts you in your tracks.

4) Focus on learning. Look for the teachable moment. We’re quick to call ourselves failures when things don’t go right on the first try. Cut yourself some slack. You’re learning and probably developing strengths and abilities beyond what you initially imagined. Explore what worked well and what didn’t. Eden began her blog to gain writing experience, and that’s where she needed to refocus.

5) Look to the past to learn lessons, yet make sure you don’t get mentally and emotionally stuck there. Studies have shown that how one thinks about setbacks impacts their coping abilities. Rather than dwell on what went wrong (someone declining an opportunity to write a guest blog), look for the successes (starting a blog and rapidly gaining subscriber’s in Eden’s case).

The most important lesson is not giving up, because that's when you really do fail.