Your O Face

Helen Mitternight

Here’s a question: what do you think you look like when you have sex?

If you get all your education from straight pornography, chances are your notions of what people do and say – and look like – during sex, are drawn from the screen, large or small. Women with larger-than-average breasts and men with super-cocks drive each other into tasteful but loud ecstasy. If it’s gay porn, there’s a matched set of super-cocks or breasts.

And the dialogue?

Well, let’s just say they won’t win any screenwriting awards.

That’s sex depicted by actors.

The problem with getting all of your sex education from porn is that it can be kind of rapey. And sterile. And if you want to connect with your partner by more than the sexual organs, porn isn’t going to help you.

Real people have real sex.

That’s the premise behind a site called Make Love Not Porn. The videos on the site can be streamed for a fee and the content is crowd-sourced. Real people film themselves or each other in consensual sex acts.

These are real people having real sex. And, while it may not be glamorous, get real. Neither are you.

Have you ever had the misfortune to be in a bed with a mirrored ceiling? Trust me, it can put you off sex for a while. Parts of you that never see the sun are moving in an awkward rhythm that no music could ever be set to.

If you’ve had any actual sex in the recent past, you may admit that you sometimes leave your socks on when it’s cold. You may have bed-head, or hair in places that others shave. Maybe you both almost derail the whole act with an ill-timed fit of the giggles. Or sometimes, there’s even an, “Ouch!”

If you want to learn some sexy moves, try watching what real people do. And then? Try asking your partner what it is they want. Maybe some of their fantasies will rival that porn. And that will be fun to try, too. But the odds are, you’re not going to look airbrushed. You’re going to look real.

It’s a much better look.