Is Dating Dead? Readers Respond...

Is Dating Dead? Readers Respond...

"When the f&%$ did feminism and one-night stands become the same thing?" That and more reader reactions to last week's blog post on today's so-called hook-up culture...

Earlier this week, we posted a blog about a shift in the way college students and 20-somethings "date." If you missed it, read it here. It was prompted by a half-dozen news stories on the topic, which, in a nutshell, holds that traditional coupledom (as in, "What are you doing Saturday night? Want to catch a movie and grab a drink?) has been replaced with no-strings-sex and casual "hangin'-out" (as in, "me and the boys are up at the club—join me if ya want, or come over later, whatevs, peace out"). 


Charming. (Grit author's note: I want no part of the latter. Take my name off the dating pool sign-up sheet if "join me if ya want" is ever included in a date invitation.)


On that note, here are a few of the responses we got from our post, names changed at the respondents' request. (It's a small world after all.)






Laura (age 24) says: The only difference between the South's culture of hook-ups in comparison to those of "big, urban cities" is that we feel more pressure to take it from the bedroom, to the restaurant... to the chapel. When you've got college friends getting married all around you, you're left wondering—am I still single because I'm not good in bed? So us single girls go practice some more...


Rita (age 29) says: I have a feeling they're using the hippie 70s as their permission slip, but just because a lifestyle looks good and liberating in pictures doesn't mean it actually WAS good. Didn't STDs explod in the 80s? Wait. Wonder if there's a correlation. And I also wonder how liberating a case of the herps is. 


Nicole (age 42) says: These girls are mistaking lowered standards for enlightenment. The idea that women as a gender (I'm not talking an individual here or there) don't mind when a guy doesn't want to have anything to do with them outside of sex is a delusion. And that doesn't make women weak. Thankfully, it makes them human. 


Feminist Gloria Steinem


{ “I definitely wouldn’t say I’ve regretted any of my one-night stands. I’m a true feminist. I’m a strong woman. I know what I want.” —A, "Sex on Campus...", The New York Times }


Amy (age 32) says: When the fuck did feminism and one-night stands become the same thing? Feminism = sex with strangers?


Olivia (age 39) says: Sister, feminism isn't about knowing what you want. Five-year-olds know what they want—doesn't mean they're wise choices. Feminism is about women flying higher, breaking new ground... and there's nothing original or groundbreaking about meaningless sex. That's been around for quite awhile...


Jennifer (age 36) saysNo regrets? Well, 'duh?" How old is this girl? If she's still in college, trust me, she isn't even OF regretting age yet—that's like setting a timer on a bomb, then saying you're relieved it hasn't gone off yet. 


{ “Ten years from now, no one will remember — I will not remember — who I have slept with. But I will remember, like, my transcript, because it’s still there. I will remember what I did. I will remember my accomplishments and places my name is hung on campus.”  —A, "Sex on Campus...", The New York Times }


Amy (age 32) saysAbout two months before I got married, I went through every sexual  encounter I had EVER had in my head and I had a panic attack. Not because the numbers were high, but because I regretted many of them and I REMEMBERED ALL OF THEM. In my mental state at that time, I wish that I had never been with any other men because the man I was about to marry was the only man I wish I had ever been with. I asked around to some of my married friends, and they, too, had had similar thoughts. Once I calmed down, I realized there were also some great sexual experiences that I have had (that were not with my current husband). Bottom line? All of those that I did not regret had love present. 


{ “‘I’ve always heard this phrase, ‘Oh, marriage is great, or relationships are great — you get to go on this journey of change together.’ That sounds terrible. I don’t want to go through those changes with you. I want you to have changed and become enough of your own person so that when you meet me, we can have a stable life and be very happy.” —A, "Sex on Campus...", The New York Times }


Olivia (age 39) says: Oddly, this makes sense... but as a person, she sounds dreadful.