It’s Not Seduction

Singer CeeLo Green deleted his Twitter account this week.* Why? Well, some people took issue with the fact that, after pleading no contest to slipping ecstasy into his date’s drink, he allegedly tweeted, "People who have really been raped REMEMBER!!!" and "If someone is passed out they're not even WITH you consciously! so WITH Implies consent."

Sadly, CeeLo’s case is not isolated. One in four college-aged women is date raped or experiences an attempted date rape during her college years, and it’s not all about being drugged.

Maybe you’ve been with a friend who’s had a little too much to drink, but she’s okay. And she’s loving the attention.

84% of women who have been date raped knew their attackers.

Women between the ages of 16-24 are 4 times more likely to be date raped than any other age group.

Maybe your friend loves all the attention that new dress is getting her. She bends down and the guys look down the dress. She bends over and the guys look up the dress.

“I know of multiple people. They didn't question it was rape but didn't report it because I think they felt like other people would assume well but you were drunk… you were dressed provocatively… you must have been a little interested because you were out with the guy...” – E, Richmond, VA.

In one study, approximately 33% of men said that if they could escape date rape without detection, they would rape someone.

25% of men surveyed believed that rape was acceptable if: the women asks the man out; if the man pays for the date, or the woman goes back to the man’s room after the date.

42% of women who are date raped don't tell any one at all about it.

Maybe your friend really likes that guy. You’ve seen him around; maybe he’s part of your crowd. Maybe he’s your friend too.

“Date rape is still one of those topics that even close girlfriends don't talk about with each other. I think that the big reason is that your friends may know the rapist personally. It's different if attacked by a stranger. With date rape, chances are really good that the rapist exists within your circle of friends.” – C, Arlington, VA.

The College of Charleston’s most recent statistics report 10 cases of rape on campus property, and 7 in residence halls. But the number who chose to report the rapes to law enforcement is much lower.

Only a quarter to a third of women whose sexual assaults met the legal definition of rape considered themselves rape victims.

Many women do not report or characterize their victimization as a crime for reasons such as embarrassment, because they do not want to define someone who assaulted them as a rapist, or because they do not know the legal definition of rape. Many women blame themselves.

Maybe you would never let your friend walk home alone in this condition, but she’s with this guy, and you know him. He’ll protect her from getting attacked. And you know your friend has taken those anti-rape courses the college offers. She even has that nail polish on in case she gets drugged. Maybe it turned ugly once your friend got home. Or maybe it didn’t get ugly, exactly. Maybe her protest was slurred a little bit after all she consumed. It’s so hard to tell the difference between seduction and rape. Except your friend really meant “no” when she said it. But it’s not like he’d hurt her. Unless she wants it rough.

“There are many women in the BDSM (bondage/discipline/sadism/masochism) community who have been raped and have reported it, but have told others they feel they weren't taken seriously because they're into rough sex… It's kinda sad actually.” E, New Orleans, LA.

84% of male students who had committed acts that clearly met the legal definition of rape said what they had done was definitely not rape.

The majority of rapes occur in living quarters--60% in victim’s residence, 10% in a fraternity, 31% in other living quarters. Off campus victimizations also took place in bars, dance clubs, and work settings.

50% of high school boys and 42% of girls said there were times it was acceptable for a male to hold a female down and physically force her to engage in intercourse.

Some young men are telling reporters that “too much responsibility for preventing sexual assault has been put on their shoulders,” and that young women are just “rape bombs just waiting to explode and ruin their lives.”

In South Carolina, a woman dies every 12 days from domestic violence. 

Maybe the next morning, he acts like it was just a regular date.

27% of women who were date raped did not realize that what happened met the legal definition of date rape.

84% of men who were involved in a date rape did not realize that what they did met the legal definition of date rape.

Maybe your friend was raped. Or maybe, just maybe, it was you. It’s not seduction if you said no and you meant no. It’s date rape.

Here is a list of resources if you’ve been raped

All statistics cited:

•       http://www.usciences.edu/shac/counseling/daterape.shtml

•       http://www.k-state.edu/media/webzine/Didyouhearyes/daterapefacts.html

*CeeLo Green's Twitter account is now reactivated