#WhyIStayed

It’s so easy. He hits you, you leave. Why would you stay? Why would anyone? Right?

That’s what we always tell ourselves. We think we know.

But then we watched in fascinated horror as Baltimore Ravens’ Ray Rice hit the screaming woman twice, the second time knocking her unconscious. I'm not linking to it here. Look it up yourself if you want. Watching the video seems like victimizing the woman all over again. The Ravens released Rice, and then the cycle of victim-blaming began.

Because the woman who was his fiancée in the video is his wife now, and she took to social media to furiously ask people to leave them alone, to stop ruining their lives.

People blamed Rice for hitting a woman. They blamed the fiancée for sticking with a man who hit her.

And into the social media flurry stepped writer Beverly Gooden, who wanted to talk about why she stayed in her own violent situation. She took to twitter with the hashtag #WhyIStayed.

And, from everywhere, women – and some men – started tweeting their own reasons: there was no physical abuse, only verbal; there was no evidence; there was no money; there was no way out.

#whyistayed I was ashamed to tell anyone because I thought they would think I was weak for staying, and I didn't have anywhere to go.

— Isabelle (@izzyelle) September 10, 2014

#whyistayed I was feeling severely disillusioned, confused, & doubting myself. I didn't know my options.I had no resources of my own anymore

— Rachel Kushala (@RachelKushala) September 10, 2014

#whyistayed cause every time he said I'm sorry and I won't do it again, I believed him.

— KaseyMae (@Kaseridds) September 10, 2014

And, then, #WhyILeft began, another tide of stories, including, “When I realized I was waiting for him to die so I could finally be free.”

#whyistayed No one believed educated handsome charming men like father & 1st husband were abusive #whyileft began trusting own judgment

— Nina Nicholson (@ninanic) September 10, 2014

 

#whyistayed bc he made me believe I was nothing without him.#whyileft bc he made my children believe they were nothing too

— Linda (@imDellaStreet) September 10, 2014

#whyistayed I didn't want to be alone again #whyileft I didn't want to be alone in a casket

— ¾ Love ¼ Fierce (@SalinaSweet) September 10, 2014

#whyistayed bc he made me believe I was nothing without him.#whyileft bc he made my children believe they were nothing too

— Linda (@imDellaStreet) September 10, 2014

— Jen Ingerson (@JingersonNeuro) September 10, 2014

So many stories with so much in common, but each unique. And, until you have your own story – and hopefully, you never will -- you never really know.