Crib Sheets: 6 (Ahem) Wise Choices To Make In College...

What to do when you spontaneously black out, catch your roommate spritzing perfume down her drawers, and other ill-advised situations. (Hint: someone besides you WILL have sex in your bed... )

Part of Grit's "Crib Sheets" series—Your totally local guide to getting through the back-to-school season. Also check out... 


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How young professionals can retain their dignity in a college town 5 tips for ducking the vomitous coeds

What Back to School looked like in 1970s Super '70s photos, "sizzle dresses" and all




Need a little been-there, done-that wisdom? Buckle up, college folks, you're headed for a four (or five, or six-year) wild ride. Here's a little help to get you started. (You're welcome.)


6. You may wake one morning to find your roommate spraying Bath & Body Works perfume down her pants. Close your eyes, muffle your scream, and pretend it never happened. A lingering aroma of Cotton Blossom is nothing compared to the reality of a roommate with a cocaine addiction. Consider yourself lucky.


5. You may black out after a shower (and too many Jagerbombs) face-planting in front of aforementioned roommate sans towel. Walk it off, crawl into bed, and just be glad that bouncer accepted your library card as ID. You’re roommate won’t flinch, she knows you know about her eau de pants.


4. You may come home to find your roommate’s rugby teammates fornicating in your bed. Kick them out and pray they used protection if only—in the words of Dickens—to decrease their surplus population.


3. You may barely pass biology 102 because you keep skipping it to grab lunch with this guy who will one day become your husband. He’s great, but you still should have gone to your biology class, idiot.


2. You may decide to go to Hawaii with your parents on a whim, giving no notice to your professors but a passing, “Uhh, I’ll be gone next week.” That was dumb, but going on the trip was not. Remember, travel and spending time with your parents will always teach you more than any class ever could.


1. You may eat macaroni with chopped-up bits of hot dog and chips and salsa every day for a year and you’ll still be the skinniest you’ll ever be in your life. Enjoy it.